I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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