there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
