she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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