I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize