She's JV to your varsity
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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