So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
