In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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