yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
