but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
