I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
