Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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