Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
