I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
