direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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