If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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