i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize