Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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