Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
