good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Too much gin, very little bucket
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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