Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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