I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
