He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
