Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
why is half of my head shaved?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
