just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
