I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
