SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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