i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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