You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
