His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
not ubering you a puppy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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