I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wear drunk well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
