He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i now understand why vodka
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
