Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
