well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
