someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He shit in the fireplace
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
