Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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