my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
