All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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