Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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