I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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