Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
