i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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