I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
