Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
pray to the hookup gods
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
