And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
