Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
