i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
