I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
please don't ironically join a cult
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