If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
