Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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