I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
