i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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