a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My dick has a subreddit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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