remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
