Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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