life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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