OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
