I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
