i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
