im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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