she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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