Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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