You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
