so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
