can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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